Lilies
by Cassiopiea
Summary: Remus Lupin- from the downfall of Voldemort until he is raised again, and how our cannine friend must overcome the problems that he is faced with since his world fell apart.


Disclaimer: I own none of the character in this story, I am merely borrowing them, for my own enjoyment, and yours, I hope. I pray that JK doesn't mind.  
  
Lilies  
  
Chapter 1  
  
This wasn't right, it wasn't fair. This was //their// pub, the one that they always went to every week. Always together never alone. Over there James had fallen over drunk when little Harry was born. Harry, dear God, what was going to happen to him? Living with muggles, people he didn't even know, who didn't understand him. Why didn't Dumbledore let Remus take him, some one who understood him, some one he knew?  
  
But no. Dumbledore said that he was to have no wizarding contact until he was eleven, until he went to Hogwarts. His aunt and uncle would take care him, make sure he knows who he is. That was what he said. Remus doubted it. He'd met Petunia once, when she'd come to pick Lily up with her parents from the station. Their conversation less than civilised.  
  
There was nothing Remus could do about it, but wait until Harry was eleven then try and make up the years. This wasn't supposed to happen. Voldemort was supposed to be defeated a different way, some spell that Dumbledore thought up. Not this, not with Lily and James dying and Harry orphaned. Why were people so happy? All day people were laughing drinking, being so happy, when Remus?  
  
Left alone in a dingy old pub without his friends for company. Life wasn't fair. He'd worked that out alone time ago. But he thought God (Remus was doubting whether he even existed) was making up for Remus' destiny of being a werewolf by giving him such good friends.  
  
He'd been very wrong. First God gave him life, then he took that away by giving him the wolf, then God had given him friends, and taken that away by giving him what.peace? Remus wasn't certain whether he wanted peace. Peace or his friends back? Even during the war the four of them had still retained all their sprits, being the comic relief during times of hardship. In fact to them it was as thought the war wasn't even happening. All of them were in a bubble, protected by their own cockiness and cleverness. But it burst and James, Sirius, and Peter were all hit by the shrapnel. When Remus?  
  
Full moon.  
  
Two words that explained it all. If God hadn't cursed him so than Remus may have been able to save at least Peter from Sirius, maybe even them all. If Remus weren't cursed then he'd know that Sirius wasn't home, then gone out looking for him. maybe stopped him from.everything. Perhaps if he'd just bitten the wanker Sirius would be incapable of doing whatever he did. He'd be left alone in a cellar, unable to betray them all. Delay it even by another night where Remus might have been able to figure it out, Sirius the traitor. Just one more night.Sirius would be in Azkaban, like he was now, but every one else would be alive.  
  
Remus suddenly felt deeply selfish. How many people had died? Remus had lost count years ago. Now it was over, Voldemort had vanished, he was no where to be seen. All down to Harry. Remus had never even got to say good bye to him, when Sirius the traitorous bastard had. What had Remus done wrong? Nothing. Why couldn't //he// say goodbye to his best friends son yet Sirius did?  
  
Remus went back to his life isn't fair strategy and left it at that.  
  
Slowly he turned away from the window and looked back at the bar where he was sitting. A muggle pub, where it was peaceful, no happy wizards here to pull him down. If he saw but one happy wizard walk in this pub intent of cheering Remus up. He'd kill him. So what if he went to Azkaban, left to dwell in his misery for the rest of his life.that's all he had left. There was nothing to live for any more. Perhaps he should just end it now. Right in this pub. Drink all the pub had in stock and poison his liver. At least he needn't have to worry about the bill. Or maybe just get completely legless and stab himself in the heart.  
  
But he was already dead.  
  
Perhaps not in body, technically it was still working, heart pumping brain functioning, his spleen and appendix, doing.whatever they do. Though he wish they weren't. Remus began to think whether if he did die, to end his life he and now he wondered whether any body would even notice.  
  
Probably not.  
  
Even so, the bartender, Kurt, their friend seemed to notice, how much Remus was actually drinking-alone.  
  
"Are you alright?" He asked, eyes narrowing.  
  
Remus looked into them and slowly shook his head.  
  
"Want me to take you home?" he asked again. Remus nodded and got up, getting his coat on. It wasn't even his. A long leather coat.he could never afford it, not in a million years. It was James', Remus had borrowed it and never had got around giving it back. "Clara!" Kurt yelled across the bar. "Cover me for a while, I'm gonna make sure Remus here gets home ok." The dark haired girl nodded and carried on what she was doing.  
  
  
  
"Look, seems like Sirius forgot his keys." Kurt said. There was a dark haired man sitting on the step leading up to mine and Sirius' flat. But it couldn't be Sirius, Remus narrowed his eyes to see who it was, but it was very difficult in the poor light, the man (whoever he was) was lit by an orange street light, but it didn't show Remus who it could be.  
  
The man looked up at Remus' approach, and took another drag of his cigarette. Black eyes narrowing, he blinked in greeting.  
  
"What are you doing here Severus?" He shrugged and drunk more of his whiskey from a bottle that was half finished. "Drunk all that yourself?" Severus merely shrugged again. "Coming in?" Remus unlocked the door and Severus jumped up.  
  
"Are you two going to ok?" Kurt asked. Severus pointed to the man drunkenly and Remus lowered his arm.  
  
"We'll be fine. Thanks." He let Severus in. "So, why are you here?"  
  
Severus shrugged, then said, "Needed to be depressed with some one. Knew you wouldn't be happy."  
  
"And why." Remus said, taking a seat, "Do you think that I won't be happy partying with all the others?"  
  
Severus sat down next to him. "Well why would you be? You have no one to party with."  
  
Remus shrugged, and lowered himself so that he pulled out a box from underneath the sofa where he was sitting. Alcohol. Sirius 'secret' stash, even though Remus knew where it was since they'd moved in, almost two and a half years ago now. Severus' eyes lit up and Remus asked; "Care for a drink?"  
  
  
  
Remus didn't know how he got where he was. He didn't even remember how he got home, if that was where he was indeed was. Slowly opening his eyes, the first thing he felt was blinding pain his head. ("Oh my god!") Sun light was shining through the open window, groping for his wand he closed the curtains and the pain in his head lessened but by no means went.  
  
Concentrating and focusing when what felt like a little elf thumping his brain with a giant hammer twice its body weight proved rather difficult. Remus had never, ever wished more that there was an 'oh God of Hangovers,' at this precise moment. However, when he finally did manage to focus where he was he realised that he was in his lounge, on the wooden floor covered only by a blanket that belonged as a cheap bit of upholstery on the sofa.  
  
But.  
  
He wasn't the only one there. Remus only realised this when he heard a groan next to him. Upon turning his head extraordinarily slowly Remus saw who he had some how spent the night with, naked on his lounge floor. His 'partner' was awoken quite suddenly by Remus' shrilly scream.  
  
Next to him was the horror of Severus Snape.  
  
Sitting up Snape, (Now as Remus vowed he would always think of him as for allowing.whatever happened -and it couldn't have been pleasant- for happening.) saw that he was next to one of his worst enemy screamed as well. Then the both of them just looked at each other breathing heavily from their screaming episode, whimpering.  
  
Remus tried to force his memory into thinking about what the hell had happened last night. His hangover was getting considerably worse, by all this thinking, but think all the same he did.  
  
//Kurt taking him home met by the greaseball on the stair, finding Sirius' stash of drink, drinking it with Snape, having too much. Falling over on Snape when he tried to do an impression of.someone.kissing Snape, taking Snapes clothes off.//  
  
He decided to stop thinking there, he didn't need nor want to think any further. Remus whimpered again and put his head in his hands, he grabbed a pair of jeans- which didn't belong to him and threw them on Snape. "Get dressed, and get out."  
  
"The feeling is mutual I assure you."  
  
"Good, now get out." Remus only heard Snape get dressed, because of course he didn't want to see a naked Snape, luckily his memory was clouded at kissing Snape, he didn't want to remember actually having sex with the disgusting slimeball. Hearing the front door open in his open plan house, Remus turned around.  
  
"I'll see you at the funeral then Lupin."  
  
Remus nodded and Snape shut the door, then the werewolf ran straight to the shower trying to cleanse him self, of the smell of Snape.  
  
  
  
Remus just stared at himself in the mirror. Black- he always seemed to wear dark colours. But he didn't want to today. Making sure his tie was straight and that his shoes were polished, he slowly made his way out of the house. And he walked alone, people nodding in condolence as he walked by.  
  
It was quite obvious for those who had an ounce of intelligence that he was going to a funeral. At the corner of his street he went into a florist- in normal circumstances he would have ordered the flowers long before-hand- but he was too busy getting drunk then recovering for the after effects (in more ways than one.)  
  
He walked in- all eyes turning on him, a young girl about the same age as him, nineteen, came up to him.  
  
"How can I help you sir?"  
  
"Have you got any lilies?"  
  
"White, sir?" She asked indicating to his outfit. Remus nodded. "How many bunches would you like?"  
  
"Oh, just the one thank-you." He stopped. He had heard on the grapevine that Harry would be there, he could give a bunch to Harry couldn't he. It was just rumours- it was very unlikely that 'The Boy Who Lived' would be at the funeral.but he should be, he should be able to attend his on parents funeral, shouldn't he? "Oh, can I get one extra flower as well?"  
  
The girl looked at him strangely, then upon looking into his eyes, stole a flower from another bunch, in the bucket of water, and gave it to him separately. Remus placed it with the rest so that if Harry wasn't there, he didn't look a complete fool.  
  
"That's five forty nine please." She said, punching it into the till. [A/N: I have no idea how much lilies are so.]  
  
Remus handed her some muggle money and took the bunch of flowers, which were wrapped in see-through plastic wrapping and looked at them. Sighing deeply he began to leave to when the door opened, and Remus was greeted by.  
  
"Moony!"  
  
There was a woman, a bit older than Remus holding baby Harry, who had longish ash blonde hair tied back with a bun and the back of her neck. "I suppose, that I have to by some flowers." The woman said. She looked at Remus, "Sorry, but that and 'Padfoot, Prongs and Mamma' is all the brat seems to say."  
  
"It's ok, I know him. I'm Moony." He turned to the florist and said. "Old nickname, it stuck like glue." Then back to Petunia. "Are you going to the cemetery?" She nodded. "Oh, I'll take Harry here off your hands." Remus saw that there was another baby, Harry age, 'Must be his cousin' Remus thought, "It must be difficult with two children to cope with. I'll see you later."  
  
Petunia nodded her thanks, brought some cheap old flowers and was off, with her husband and son. Remus however stayed, taking a deep breath, "How can any one live with that woman." Remus smiled sadly and gave Harry the flower he had brought him. Harry dipped his nose in and.  
  
"Lil-ly."  
  
"Yes, it's a lily.  
  
"Lil-ly."  
  
"Oh he's adorable- is he yours?" the girl came up and tickled Harry under his chin.  
  
"No, he's not. He's a friends."  
  
"I want one now, how old?"  
  
"Oh, fifteen months now."  
  
"Lil-ly." Harry was saying again. "Where's Lil-ly?"  
  
That left Remus lost for words. How on earth was he going to get out of this one? 'She's gone to heaven?' Remus thought, then decided against because after the events that had happened, Remus decided that God had really died on that cross. But he knew that in a few years he'd become religious again just like he always had been. He was just bitter.  
  
Still it left him with this predicament. Maybe if he were older he would explain that she was dead, that she wasn't coming back, no matter how much you wanted them too. But to a one-year-old, was like trying to explain to a pureblood Slytherin wizard Einstein's theory of relativity. Or explaining it to any one for that matter  
  
The girl didn't seem to find it a problem. "In your hand. There's Lily- there. Cute little tyke."  
  
Harry looked at the flower that drooped lifelessly in his hand slightly. "No Lil-ly."  
  
"Lily's his mother." Remus looked at Harry and lifted him up slightly. "Have you ever explained to a one year old that his parents are dead?"  
  
Her face fell. "Oh, I'm sorry.I."  
  
"Don't be, I can't." she nodded. "We'd better be going. We're going to be late Harry." They in fact had plenty of time.  
  
  
  
It was a half our later when he was at Arabellas house. The wake was going to be there as it was the only one big enough to hold the amount of people who would be attending. A ticket only funeral. This was not what Lily and James would have wanted, even though James pretended that he was the most loved man in the world and every one would be at his funeral, Remus knew it was only sarcasm. James would only want a quiet one with his close friends attending. Not this.  
  
Driving down the street in the hearse he could see crowds of people waving Union Jacks stopped only by the metal barrier. They were all waving at the window, Harry pressed against it in awe at all the people, smiling and waving as people pointed and cheered at him.  
  
The downfall of Voldemort.  
  
Nobody thought what Remus did. A child orphaned by his own Godfather- not understanding where his parents were, not being able to remember them, living with a misty memory and an ugly scar.  
  
Shivering Remus pulled Harry away from the window, and smiled at the toddler. He gave his flower another sniff and held it up to Remus' nose, laughing. Remus pushed it away and indicated that he had his own. Harry frowned at how Remus got more flowers than him, but then the car stooped and every one had to get out.  
  
Walking up to the church was one of the longest walks he'd ever done in his life. As was sitting through the sermon the vicar telling them how wonderful Lily and James were, and how their bravery brought the end of terror. Turning around Remus saw Snape standing in the corner, just like he belonged there. Remus quickly turned to face the vicar again suddenly remembering a certain night a few days ago.  
  
"What's wrong?" Arabella asked.  
  
Remus shook his head. "What d'you think is wrong?"  
  
Arabella had nothing to say to that.  
  
  
  
"I have a cunning plan."  
  
"Nice Boldrick impression Snape, then again, you do it all the time. What is it?" Snape face fell, not understanding any thing about muggle television shows, or at least that one.  
  
The vicar was just lowering the coffin into the grave that had been dug. And Remus had to refrain from tears; he had to be strong- for Harry. The baby gave a silent wave to the coffin as it lowered out of sight. That spurted of a lot of tears from Lily's friends, but of course Harry had no idea who was in the coffin -or did he?  
  
"My plan Lupin."  
  
"Is that we never mention to any one what happened 'that night' to any one and we die with our secret?" Remus asked  
  
"I thought that was needless to say. Do you want to hear my plan or not Lupin?"  
  
Remus sighed and nodded.  
  
"Don't give the kid back."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't give him back. His aunt doesn't want him, if you leave before the end of the wake, people will just think you couldn't deal, take the kid with you. Leave the country."  
  
"He's the Boy who fricking Lived Snape, people will see. Besides, I'll have to take the plane, can't apperate with a child."  
  
"Then take the plane."  
  
"Can't afford it."  
  
Snape sighed. "I'll pay for the ticket." Remus looked at him. "I'm not having Lily's son raised by that bitch of a woman." He nodded towards Petunia. "Now, are you going to do this, or you going to let the Brady bunch have him?"  
  
"I won't be able to get him out."  
  
"I thought that you were a 'Marauder' there's something called an invisibility charm dunderhead"  
  
I looked at Snape. His insane plan might work.  
  
  
  
"Well this isn't attracting attention." Remus sighed. They were walking- fast- to the airport, after magically packing a bag that was on his back, Remus carried Harry. They were almost running they were walking so fast.  
  
"Taxi!" Snape yelled. Remus' eyes widened since when did Snape know how to work to muggle transport system. The climbed into the back and Snape told the driver where they wanted to go. "Right Lupin, we get you the next international flight out of here wherever it is."  
  
"Even if it's in Cambodia or somewhere like that."  
  
"Next flight out of here where, you can speak the language and won't stand out like sore thumbs." He dug into his pocket and Remus got handed a pile of money. "A Grand. It won't last long. You get out there, rent a flat- get a job. Anywhere, a muggle job, and get some where with childcare. Lie about your grades- any thing. Your clever you'll adapt."  
  
"Why are you doing this? You're Snape you the evil Slytherin. Giving me money to look after our Harry here."  
  
"Like I said. This is what his mother would have preferred. I will be naïve to the situation at hand. Dumbledore has offered me the potions masters' job."  
  
The taxi driver pulled up and Snape handed him some money, getting out of the car and into the airport, the two of them went to buy Remus a ticket. Los Angeles. Remus didn't even want to think about the price.  
  
Giving Remus his ticket and making sure that he had a passport, Remus checked in. "Just follow the signs Lupin." Snape said. And good luck."  
  
"Easier said then done," Remus said to himself looking at all of the yellow signs, getting completely lost.  
  
  
  
Finally he was able to make his way to the plane, after getting beeped at by the customs barriers, which Harry found deeply amusing, he was sitting relaxing on the plane. Or trying to. He found it somewhat impossible to relax. Remus had absolutely no idea what law he was breaking only that it must be a big one.  
  
He wondered briefly, which was in this case quite a lot of detail, whether they'd actually noticed Harry was missing. They might just think that his aunt and uncle had taken him home, or that he was being passed around the different array of people. It had been, about three hours now since he and Snape had ran, well casually walked out of Arabellas house. Some one was bound to notice. Remus shuddered at the thought of there being a ministry wizard, or just a wizard for that matter on this plane. He found it highly unlikely. Would a wizard think that Remus, a wizard who was quite capable of apparating would take some thing like a plane? He hoped wizards were as stupid as he thought they were.  
  
Remus would never have thought about even kidnapping Harry, in fact it was quite astonishing how Snape had, it was quite strange that Snape had even thought about doing something so kind as to sacrifice his life (if Remus were caught) for James' son. He decided that if he were caught, he wouldn't tell of Snape's involvement, he owed him that much.  
  
A woman maybe in her mid twenty walked over and sat next to Remus. (He flattened to tuff of hair on Harry's head to hide his scar. Even though now the baby was asleep.) She loaded he carry on luggage into the over head compartment and buckled up.  
  
"Hi." She said, cheerily.  
  
"Hello there."  
  
"I'm Lynda."  
  
"Remus." This woman had bright blonde hair (Peroxide queen) and bright blue eyes. "This is Harry." Harry was slowly waking up as the engines switched on and the cabin crew started showing what to do in an emergency.  
  
"It'd be just my luck if we crashed, he whispered. Take the boy who lived and kill him on a plane. 'Harry Potter survives evil bastard, dies in muggle plane.'"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Oh, nothing I was just muttering to myself.  
  
"Nervous?" Remus shrugged. "I go on planes all the time, it never gets easy. Is he yours?" she asked nodding to Harry. Remus shook his head and hugged Harry slightly harder, he was almost fully awake and deeply curious where he was. He gave Remus a questioning look.  
  
"We're on a plane kiddo." Harry nodded and looked at his small grabby hand.  
  
"Lil-ly."  
  
"Your Lil-ly's gone Harry it died, it all wilted. It needed a drink, and we didn't water it."  
  
"Mean."  
  
"Mean indeed." Harry stuck his tongue out at Remus. "Dear god you get more like your father every day." He said hugging Harry much more closely to him as though afraid that he might fall other wise.  
  
The plane was gathering speed, when it began to slow down quite dramatically. The cabin crew looked confused, especially when the door opened. "Move please." Said a voice, then Remus saw some red light and the air hostess looked as though she was stunned, and fell unconscious, Remus could see however that she was still breathing.  
  
Knowing that it was some department of the Ministry, Remus lowered in his seat and made it so Harry was standing on the floor, though still holding Reemus' hands. The one- year- old looked scared at all the comotion, but he didn't cry, or whimper, which Remus found strange, though silently pleased.  
  
//He's been through far worse than this. He's had Voldemort curse him, and watched his parents die. how long was Harry around until Hagrid came to pick him up. Hours until people knew what had happened. Hours to cry to your dead parents, unbeknown to him that they were never going to answer him, again.// Remus suddenly took a massive surge of pitty on Harry, he's never really thought about what the child must have gone through.  
  
Harry looked glad that Remus was cold, empty, and unmoving. // Was that Lily looked like? Hagrid said the other day, he found baby Harry snuggled up to her, crying into her breast.// Remus shuddered, and sank even lower in his seat.  
  
"Remus Lupin!" A voice yelled. "We have you surrounded. Hand over the child."  
  
Remus swallowed and looked out the window. He was right, there were ministry cars and wizards wand pointed at the plane. Why hadn't he noticed?  
  
"Lupin, on the count of three. If you do not come quietly, then we will be forced to take action."  
  
Remus bit his lip and closed his eyes, praying to be taken away to paradise. Alas it didn't work.  
  
"ONE!"  
  
Remus opened his eyes and looked around him. Muggles staring at him, godsmacked.  
  
"TWO!"  
  
He could blame it all on Snape and be done.  
  
"THREE!"  
  
Before they did any thing Remus stood up, Harry in his arms.  
  
"Okay," He said. "Do what you will."  
  
  
  
TBC.  
  
A/N: I hope that nobody took offence in some one the things I might have said, and that you enjoyed it and.Review! Please, I get so few, and it makes my day complete Smiles trying to encourage people to review. ( 


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